Prologue to the Beginning of the End

this was meant to be published a month earlier — on the 19th of September, to be exact. something significant happened that day, or at least, i’d like to think so.

for reasons i can’t quite remember now, i delayed it. in hindsight, that delay turned out to be a good thing. so much happened within that short span that it changed the entire tone of this piece — what was once a dark reflection has softened into something else entirely.

fragmented memories

it’s been months since i stopped using social media. or more accurately, since i stopped caring about it. the accounts are still there, but i no longer feel the pull to update or scroll through them. life feels calmer and my days move slower, and not in a bad way. i spend more time with my family — especially my parents — and i can actually feel moments sink into memory, not just my camera roll. maybe that’s what living is supposed to feel like. maybe it’s the damn phone after all…

i know this is a privilege to not have to care about these things. not everyone can simply step away from these platforms, and we’ve grown so accustomed to watching others’ stories that we’ve forgotten how to live our own. at first, it felt isolating — not knowing what’s happening “out there”, not sharing, not being seen. but the people who truly matter always find a way to reach out, wherever you are.

four years of peer pressure

you probably already know what i’m referring to. those four years weren’t exactly the best, nor the worst, but they were heavy. there were moments when i questioned everything, from “why i was there”, “what was the point of it all”, and “whether i was slowly losing my mind”. much of what was required felt meaningless. even now, i struggle to see the merit behind them.

still, it wasn’t all for nothing. i gained skills and experiences that wouldn’t have been accessible if i hadn’t gone through this, but my sanity took quite a toll. my mental state faltered toward the end, and i found myself thinking in ways i never thought i would, which i find unsettling. well, it’s been a while since then, and i’m much better now. i don’t resent those years, and i’ve learned what not to repeat. specifically, if and when i have children.

memento vivere

i’m deeply grateful to be where i am right now. i know that luck played a part, but i believe my consistent efforts did too. opportunities don’t appear out of nowhere, they’re often built from the stubborn persistence of showing up every day, until luck doesn’t matter anymore.

success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.
— Winston Churchill

you are your own measure. you’re allowed to move at your own pace. there’s no need to compare yourself to others, the only comparison worth making is with who you were yesterday. when you feel lost, remember why you started. no one else can walk that path for you.

thank you for reading — and to those who know me personally, thank you for being part of my life, even in the smallest ways. be happy for this moment; it’s the only one that’s truly yours.

until next time, godspeed.